Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Rob Ford Isnt The Mayor, He's A Reality TV Show

Cue circus music: "It's the Rob Ford Show"

OK, OK, I get the joke now. For most of the last two years I've watched in horror as our metropolis was being run like a bingo game for compulsive cheaters. It was bad enough that his raison d'etre seemed to be to shut down as many programs and services as he could before some kind of finish bell went off in his head - Transit City, garbage collection, etc. etc.

Besides that, the guy is just so damn embarrassing. I mean, him and his sidekick brother think that a giant ferris wheel is what we need on our waterfront. They run a regular radio show where they muse about the media conspiracy against them. He won't even talk to the Toronto Star or send them his itinerary of public events. Can you believe the gall of the media, to actually scrutinize the actions of public officials?

But as bizarre as his behaviour became, he still had supporters. Even when his incompetence allowed city council to reverse his major election platform promise: to kill Transit City. Along with most of his other initiatives (including his attempt to stage a coup against the head of the waterfront restoration agency, who didn't like the ferris wheel idea). So Rob kicked it up a notch. Not only was he frothing about the Red Menace at City Hall - along with Giorgio Mammoliti, who plays an uber-loopy Igor, to Ford's bumbling Frankenstein - he was openly and defiantly slacking off work and using city resources like they were his personal property. I realize now that this just couldn't have been real. It must have been staged.

Remember, this is the guy who was all about cleaning up the gravy. That was his damn election slogan. Now, tell me, is it gravy to cut out early several times a month - even during important council meetings - to go and be a volunteer coach for a high school football team? Don't we pay teachers to coach high school football teams? Wouldn't you say paying another person - the mayor - to do a job already done by a paid teacher is, you know, gravy? Add to that the fact that Ford hired some former university football player in his office who drives a city vehicle to practices and games to help out on the city dime.

And what about the rushed infrastructure work done around Rob Ford's business in time for their fifty year anniversary party? Do you think that any old business could have called up the heads of the works department and gotten them to come by and do all kinds of work - including work that wasn't technically in their jurisdiction?

But it was this whole bus fiasco that gave away the game. I mean, his football team was getting a school bus in 45 minutes and they were right outside of a high school. Could they really not walk fifty metres to wait in the change room (presumably there is a visiting team change room) or the cafeteria or something. Did they really need to throw an entire busload of passengers off of a TTC bus to "rescue" his team for inclement weather? And then to divert another bus after Ford made a phone call to the head of the TTC?

This can't possibly be real. It's some kind of candid camera type reality show where they push the limits of credulity to the absolute maximum. Then, if the mayor's supporters still defend him with a straight face, somebody jumps out of the bushes and yells: "SURPRISE! You're on Mayor of the Madhouse!" Or maybe some other name: The Pathetic Partisan, Fool Me Twice, I'll Believe Anything You Say As Long As You're A Right Wing Sociopath Like Me.

What do you think the name of the Rob Ford Mayoralty Show ought to be? And what will it require to get it taken off the air?
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